but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
