so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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