I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize