somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
