I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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