My liver just broke up with me...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
