Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
