I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
