Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
