Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need water and some morals
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize