i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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