If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
