I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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