I wish my penis had an off switch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
