Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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