a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's blow job season.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
