I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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