I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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