hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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