I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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