He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
