So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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