the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
