i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
