You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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