I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize