im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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