Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
