my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
