The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
