MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
