Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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