four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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