I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
