What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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