I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
