Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
