Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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