I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
