just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
