Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
