he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
