I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
