Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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