Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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