sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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