is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
