This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need to wash the frat house off of me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
