peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
