i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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