What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
