I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
