It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
