I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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