I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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