i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
me + whiskey = a bad person
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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