A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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