No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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