I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
