Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
