ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize