i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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