He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
