That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
