I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
