ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
