Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
