just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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