12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
