Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
