White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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