I accidentally burped into my bong.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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