If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
