Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
