There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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