just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
