I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
