I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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