Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
