so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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