So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
