I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
