Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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