I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
