I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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