I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
