Non-Jews are for practice
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
