i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
