I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
