Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
