Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
