can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
