So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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