Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
