Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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