i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
