with your own penis?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
