I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
