Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
