i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
