i need an iv and a liver transplant
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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