I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
