Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
