I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize