we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Say something about gay babies.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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