It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
