I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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