Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize